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Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas 2010: A Very Inappropriate Christmas

Christmas Eve:  Grandma Pinky's new tree.

Christmas Eve. The most holy night of the year. We spent the evening at my in-laws, in what appears to be a normal suburban home, but in reality...

Christmas Eve:  Sangria effect.'s a den of iniquity.

The evening started innocently enough.

Christmas Eve:  Lauren opening presents.

Sweet children opening their presents.

Christmas Eve:  A man and his ice cream.

People eating ice cream.

Christmas Eve:  Steve eating chicken.

And fried chicken.

But what lies beneath is...

Christmas Eve:  Mike modelling his gift from Aunt Barbara.

Pure evil.

Christmas Eve:  Lauren's broken doll.

First, this innocent little girl broke her doll.

Christmas Eve:  New decoration for Grandma's tree.

Did anyone fix it for her? No! Instead, it was torn away from her so it could be turned into raunchy ornament for Grandma's tree.

Christmas Eve:  Defiling the flag.

Afterward, people started desecrating Old Glory.

Christmas Eve:  Noah hanging back.

That's right Noah - get the police on the phone. This is getting out of hand.

Christmas Eve:  Sydney Crosby dollar bill.

But wait! It only gets worse. Why, is that woman holding a counterfeit dollar bill? I wonder what she means to do with it?

Christmas Eve:  Paying Sean to do the strike dance.

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Christmas Eve:  Noah placing an important call while Mike opens his present.

Better call the police again, Noah. I don't think this residential property has been zoned for adult business use.

Christmas Eve:  Mike's new business.

After Sean's racy dance, Mike was inspired to open his own questionable establishment.

Christmas Eve:  Family portrait.

Even this nice family portrait was tainted by lechery.

Christmas Eve:  Noah's over it all.

I feel exactly the same way about that photo, Noah.

Christmas Eve:  Aunt Linda and Lauren.

Aunt Linda took Lauren aside and used Legos in order to teach her how to fight off a woman who tries to take her free sample of pepperoni bread at the grocery store.

Christmas Eve:  Grandpa and his GIANT tape measure.

Even the gifts were wrong. Who knows what mischief Grandpa is going to be up to with his GIANT tape measure.

Christmas Eve:  Grandma in her Snuggie.

This poor woman was almost suffocated by her Snuggie.

Christmas Eve:  Me and my BIG AND TALL shirt.

And someone was encouraging me to cross dress by giving me this Big and Tall shirt.

Christmas Eve:  MIke's duplicate, too small shirt.

Mike had it the worst. Not only did he receive a shirt that he already owned, but it was many sizes too small.

Christmas Eve:  Johnny's formal attire.

At least Uncle Johnny demonstrated how a proper gentleman should dress.

Christmas Eve:  Noah's best What Me Worry? look.

Don't worry, Noah. Next year, we'll have Christmas at the Playboy Mansion. It's much tamer at Hef's place.


Anonymous said...

thats so funny papa and I laughed until we couldn't laugh anymore adorable

Anonymous said...

all we need is a squirrel jumping out of the tree and we could be a chevy chase movie or a new reality show

Anonymous said...

just hysterical.....I would have loved to be there....maybe next time if you promise to do it again!!! Dolores ;0)